Specifically Corinthians 13:4-7
4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
We have discussed Patience, kindness, being proud, rudeness, and demanding our own way. It is different in that I am used to the study being based off of a book with a study guide and all that but the study I'm in now is written by a member with some brief study questions to answer beforehand.
I am really liking it and it comes at such an opportune time as I have been thinking a lot about my family's interactions with one another.
In addition to the study I've been thinking about a book Chris and I had to read during our premarital counseling, The Five Love Language by Dr. Gary Chapman, we also took a class based on the book when we were at Center Pointe. Basically it says that there are 5 different love languages (hence the title) and that we feel love and "speak" love in these different ways. Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.
picture taken in May of 2001, I was pregnant with Zach
So I went to www.5lovelanguages.com and took the quiz, even though I know what mine is :) I asked Chris to take the test and had the boys take it too. I like the quiz in the book better but I sold my book a while ago...perhaps I shouldn't have.
Here are my scores:
Acts of Service 10
Quality Time 7
Words of Affirmation 6
Physical Touch 6
Receiving Gifts 1
I love it when I get help. Any help. I love help. Hence Acts of Service for me makes sense. For my birthday this year Chris made me a desk and the boys cleaned the house. Best birthday ever! The boys were a tad bit confused when there weren't any physical presents to give on my birthday morning but we talked about my love language and how I received exactly what I truly wanted. Hopefully they are getting it. I think one of the best things I can teach my boys is how to love.
And how to clean a toilet, my daughters-in-law will thank me one day for that one.
Here are Chris' scores
Physical Touch 12
Words of Affirmation 7
Quality Time 6
Acts of Service 5
Receiving Gifts 0
Chris' is physical touch. He would much rather get a back rub than have his laundry folded. Even though this isn't my love language that doesn't mean that I shouldn't show him love in the language he speaks. I always think of the Golden Rule, Do onto others as you would have them do onto you. But in the case of love I think it's more like Love others the way they need to be loved not how you want to be loved.
Make sense?
Just for fun let's look at the boys....
The family. Isn't Zach so sweet in his Christmas suit?
Zach's scores
Acts of Service 6
Words of Affirmation 5
Quality Time 5
Physical Touch 4
Receiving Gifts 0
A couple of things surprised me about his scores. I would have put Words of Affirmation at the top for him. He beams when he gets a compliment and words of correction or criticism can ruin his whole day. But acts of service makes sense too. That boy loves to have folded laundry.
Aiden at about 4 months old
Aiden's scores:
Words of Affirmation 5
Quality Time 5
Physical Touch 4
Acts of Service 3
Receiving Gifts 3
I would have thought that Physical Touch would be at the top of Aiden's list but after thinking about it his list makes a lot of sense. He's still so young so of course he needs to be loved in all ways. Watching Mythbusters on the couch (Quality Time), while cuddling (Physical Touch), and telling him that he could do what they are doing (Words of Affirmation) makes up a perfect day in his mind.
Family picture taken last Christmas
Just a few last thoughts/observations....
I knew Chris and I don't "speak" in gifts but I was surprised it wasn't higher on the boys lists with all of their "Can I have that?" "I want that" Chris thinks that because giving lots of gifts isn't modeled in our house they don't put a high value on it, I guess that makes sense.
It seems I only need to fold my laundry and Zach's and can just put Aiden's and Chris' in a pile. Score!
We learned in class, and the book talks about, how the opposite of your love language is how you are hurt the most. Having people walk past messes in the house or see me working and chose to sit down instead of help, those actions make me feel unloved. And angry.
I'm hoping that by being aware of my family's love languages I can show them love in a language they understand and that by teaching them about it they can show love to those around them as well.
1 comment:
I've been meaning to post a comment for days...things have been just too busy. I love The 5 Love Languages. Todd and read it before we got married-totally helped, although it has taken years to truly understand ;) I am totally going to the website to have the boys take the test-totally interesting.
So glad to hear you are in a Bible study. How is everything with the move going? Feeling settled, meeting people, liking it? You know, that I know, that you know, that we both know how long it takes to feel "good" in a new place. I know church is a great place to start.
I cried when I saw your family picture. Guess I realized how much I miss you :) It is an adorable picture.
Yes, we used ceramic tile in the kitchen. All other products were out of my budget. I just tried to use the most natural, biggest ones I could find and the lowest price I could swing. They are either 18x18 or 20x20. Dark grout made it feel like a more modern choice. I ended up being really happy with it despite wanting wood, travertine, and other expensive items. It is SUPER easy to maintain. A big plus. Just wipe and move on, shows very little dirt.
Can't wait to see more pics of the house. I guess that's it. The longest comment ever. Love all the pictures and updates on the boys. Tellthem hello from the Van Ahn family!
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