It is a beautiful day outside. Sunny. Warm. Lots of kids for Aiden to play with (which is good because I forgot his medicine today....)I am just sitting under a shade tree enjoying the breeze.
I should feel happy, carefree, but I don't.
One year ago I was diagnosed with Clinical Depression. I went on medicine. I went to counseling. I went on a different medicine. I started going to church. Counseling ended. I went on yet another medicine. It seems never ending.
Today maybe it's because I'm sick of having my house on the market. Life with neighbors hasn't been the best. I'm eager to move on. Aiden is almost a first grader. Zach is almost a fourth grader (where did the time go?) I want/need a vacation preferably with my husband and no kids. Buster isn't feeling like himself and I'm worried about him. My husband is working. But nothing that is depressing, just.....trying.
I have many good days. My depression was never about my life. I have a wonderful life. Two fabulous boys. A wonderful supportive, loving husband. A great extended family. Good friends. Life truly is GOOD. But sometimes my brain just can't support that. It's frustrating.
So today I'm just going to fake it. Pretend I feel happy, joyful, energetic. Maybe, just maybe my brain will get on board.
